will you love me till death do us apart…?

December 6, 2008 at 9:20 pm (personal)

so now i’m in the stage of life where i’ll succeed or fail and it is going to cost me big time in both situations…it sucks when you have to be adult or at least in my case pretend like you’re one…i like being kid and now i have to let it all go…it’s not like i had a real chance to be one but in the short time that people let me be a kid it was great…you don’t have to think about your actions because there’s always a grownup who’s looking after you and now i have to protect myself alone, there is no one behind me to cover me so i can’t get hurt…

lately i met a person who has a privilege to be a kid all the time…to dream, to act impulsively all the time, not to think about his actions…a long time ago i was like that too and i envy that person…but it won’t pass a lot of time when he’ll get burnt like me and stop being like that…maybe it’s life or maybe it’s just part of growing up…

well to follow the title, i started asking myself if maybe i don’t see some things as they are…i’m scared that i started to think logic and that’s not like me because when it’s up to thinking i think with my feeling more then with my brain…and now it’s not like that, now everything has to make sense…i don’t want to grow up yet… 😦  the title doesn’t make any sense even now does it…? 😀

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…dialogues…

July 30, 2008 at 11:55 am (Uncategorized)

-what would you do if you’d meet a monster?

-i would defeat it…

-and what if you’re not strong enough?

-i would call all of my friends…

-and what if your friends say they don’t want to help you?

-they would help me,they would never say no…

-are you sure?

-yes,i’m sure…

-but what if they say no?what if they refuse?

-they won’t!

-do you have any friends?do you have anyone?

-…

-you know that the monster would kill you then…you know that you would die…

monster

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…the final step…

July 18, 2008 at 3:53 pm (Uncategorized)

through the pain

and through the hell

i blamed myself

for being too much like someone i’m not

for making things i thought they were right

for getting rotten in this shell of fake

i cried and i yelled

where is my angel to protect me from my regrets…?

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…the second step…

July 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm (Uncategorized)

forgive me father cause i have sinned,

i lied,i stole and i cheated,

i loved,i helped and i sacrificed.

everything i did…i did it for love,

i loved too much and i hated too little,

but you sent me an angel,

and i refused to keep him

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…the first step…

July 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm (Uncategorized)

thru all mistakes and all regrets

and thru all sins that trapped my soul

(that i’m not sure i even had)

i ended in front of two doors,

two mirrors that were my reflexions,

my parts that i pressed deep down,

and i had to choose,

and i choosed not to choose.

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”behold i give unto you power to tread on serpents…and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” LUKE 10:19

June 25, 2008 at 2:30 pm (Uncategorized)

the title is a quote from bible,but i didn’t read it from a bible…it was a quote on paulo coelho’s first page of a book called veronika decides to die…

DEATH…interesting subject to talk or write about because everyone has each own  picture and meaning of death…some people would say you go to heaven or hell,the other one would say you  reborn,and some would say you just die  and  become one with the ground…REINCARNATION  was  my believe few years ago…why? i don’t know…i guess i liked that option the most…the idea that life is like a movie track and when we get to the end we start all thing over again…and that explained deja vu…but few years later i just accept the fact that we are all going to die and it’s not important what is going to happen then…i almost forgot about the quote…while i was reading the book i named earlier,and finally read it,i realized something…the main character in the book is called veronika and she wants to kill her self,BUT when she founds out that she is ill and that she is going to die soon anyway something is changed…she starts to LIVE her life…that is the problem with people,they think they are going to live forever and they realized they’re wrong when someone puts a big sign in front of them which says: YOU ARE GOING TO DIE…of course i mean in metaphorical way…so my conclusion is next PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF DEATH THEY CAN’T CONTROL…the slow and the natural one,because you can’t tell when it’s going to just pass by you and when it’s going to grab you with it’s cold skeleton hands…

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…people always leave,and sometimes they never come back…

June 10, 2008 at 9:01 pm (Uncategorized)

so,people always leave-it’s a fact-but,there is always one but,what if they come back…?

my biggest problem in all this is that i always get too close to people,and they get too close to me,so when it’s time to ”say goodbye” i can’t do it…personaly,i hate letting people go…if it was up to me i would keep all my friends in a box-old ones,new ones…every last one…but it’s not up to me,because that’s how things work out:you lose one and you get another,like toys…now,i got to a point where i have no one to lose and don’t know how to get new ones…maybe i’m too lazy for that…:)…but that’s not the point of all this,the point is that long time ago i lost a very dear friend of mine,by my mistake of course…in that time i thought that that was the only way,to ”say goodbye” and when i realized that it was a stupid mistake it was to late…maybe i’m wrong but i think i’ll regret it for the rest of my life…because true friends leave last…the saddest thing of all is  not being involved  in  his life…i can’t  enjoy in his happiness,or cry with him in his sadness,or worrying with him about his problems,trying to help him-that’s the point of friendship…sometimes there is no coming back…

”it seems it’s written…

…but we can’t read between the lines”

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…heaven is on the way to meet us on the half of the road…

June 4, 2008 at 3:54 pm (art, personal)

your words helped me to see

the world behind the scene

they’ve dispel the actors and  removed  the curtains

just to show me the paradise of your mind

just to show me how it could be

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”…wishing this could last,but knowing that it can’t and soon you will leave…”

May 31, 2008 at 4:51 pm (personal)

they were sitting and drinking coffee…she was thinking about him,how smart he is,how good looking he is,how good he is…good,she never learned what that word actually means but she was sure he was good…he,her guardian angel…her knight in shiny armor…always in a right place in a right time…to save her from her misery…he was sitting and staring in something,in his world of honor and pride…where girls were ladies and boys were knights,all problems were dragons who trapped ladies and knights were saving them…everything was right…she wasn’t in that world,but she badly wanted to be there…with him…she was just an observer…far,far away from him…his eyes were sparkling…she knew all about him and nothing…maybe that’s why she loved him so much…because of his mysterious side…he was never boring,there was always something to reveal about him…he was strange and beautiful…human perfection,for her,like michelangelos david…so perfect for her…but he never saw her like that…she was a friend,dearly friend but nothing else…at least he acted like that…he was her love at first sight…like someone put a spell on her,she was lost in his eyes…he was all she ever wanted…all she ever needed…and he was so far away from her,sitting next to her…she had everything,all bunch of others who loved her but she didn’t wanted them…she wanted him…and they are still sitting at the table,far away from each other,and she is whispering to him:remember when we danced and sang…?…she wants him,she needs him,she loves him…but she just sat there and said nothing…just looking at him and thinking:will he take my hand and kiss it,look deep into my eyes and say ”my dear lady” ever again…?

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…if you close your eyes and turn off the lights…

May 25, 2008 at 6:42 pm (personal)

what is the worst thing that could be?

darkness becomes lightness

hate becomes love

war becomes peace

black becomes white

nothing becomes everything

everything is changed

but you are still alone

with you eyes closed

and lights turned off

and nothing is happenning

just you and your thoughts

…n0thing…


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